Hey Mom, today is one of those days where the weight of the world feels heavier than usual. Nevertheless, I am managing to stay balanced, although I still catch myself getting trapped in my thoughts. Luckily, my work and friends are helping a lot. I get a lot of satisfaction from work. And if things are getting rough, I try to talk about it with some colleagues, which is a great relief since I know I’m in a supportive environment. I wasn’t always like this though, as I preferred to solve my problems on my own. That’s how I survived through my whole life. However, I am finding myself more and more comfortable opening up to people. Bit ironic since I am adept at socializing and connecting with others. I like deep conversations, yet when it comes to talking about my emotions, I tend to shy away from the subject. I guess it is still difficult for me to be vulnerable and open up, but despite my fears, I am willing to trust people more. Because I am learning to have faith that everything will turn out fine. I can’t control other people’s actions. And that’s okay, it doesn’t really matter at the end anyway. I can only change how I interact with them. I’m counting on myself to maintain inner peace, and everything will be fine.

I cried today though, but I am not ready to tell you why. I haven’t fully closed that chapter of my life yet. Focusing on myself and self-discovery is therapeutic in a way, and I am starting to appreciate who I am becoming. I think many people, and even you, thought I was that confident person all the time. Except, I wasn’t. Believe it or not, I’m quite insecure. I overthink every step or choice I make. It is easier to maintain the facade of confidence than to explain myself to others. But hiding behind my accomplishments and materialistic possessions is no longer fulfilling, and I don’t want to be that person anymore. Although I am proud of what I have achieved, life is much more than just that. I am enjoying the journey of people getting to know me instead of just me getting to know them. You always tried to teach me this by encouraging me to experience more things and venture out into the world. You were such an adventurer yourself, and I am sorry you didn’t get to do all the things you wanted. I still have a little bit of ashes I carry around whenever I do something exciting. In that way, I’m making sure you are there to experience it too.

It is incredible how my life has changed so quickly, but I am grateful for the lessons I am learning. I refuse to fall into self-pity or lose myself in others. It is time I take ownership of my life, forgive myself for the things I did or did not do, and make the best of the present.

I love you always
Forever your anaki, Dian